The picture we be studying is an advertisement for Mitchells Golden clack Cig atomic number 18ttes. The advertisement was made during WWI therefore it is based and inspired by a war theme.
It is from the World War One in 1914 and shows a scene from a trench with soldiers. There argon a number of inaccuracies in the picture which would not sop up been in the trench. I intend to bit these out and apologize what would have been different in a real trench. I also intend to explain why the picture has been move this way.
Firstly the most f exclusivelyacious error of all is the soldiers foolish and ill-chosen grin on their faces which make them seem as if they are looking forward to death. There is evidence supporting the incident that many soldiers obtained shell shock because of the trench warfare. It would be shockingly reckless if one were to beam cheerfully with delight afterward being aware that the chances of death are soaring. In a real trench, these men would have been anxious and petrified.
Next the positions of the soldiers are ridiculous; one in particular is standing on summit of the trench revealing his entire body and smiling at one time at their opponent practically waiting to be fling to death. In an actual trench the soldiers would have been punctuateing to direct themselves as much as possible, and clutching their rifles whilst praying for their lives to be spared.
My next point is the pleasant clean atmosphere. Their uniform suggests that they are going to a parade- with an ironed jacket, soft parade hats, and nicely groomed pig cuts and mustaches. This was not the case in the actual war; the soldiers were all grubby and filthy. The picture has neglected all negative influences the like the barbed wire, dead carcasses...
Overall, this is an okay paper. it has a lot of big(p) points, and the ideas are clearly stated. tho, there are also close to things that could be improved upon.
Good things: great transitions between paragraphs. distinctly stated. Simple words that flow.
Needs improving: some of the sentences are short and choppy, could use more detail. Uses I and my a lot, a good paper doesnt need those words because personal views should be assumed. The thesis also needs a little editing.
I was move with your essay as you introduced many thoughtful points that provoked questions for myself.
I was very impressed with your use of transitions as they seemlessly joined the paragraphs together.
However, try to avoid the use of first person (I, we, you, us), and you have a few grammar mistakes.
Green Smilie.
Although there are some mistakes but this is very impressive with some very good points. I LIKED IT.
Good flow between paragraphs and lots of good points covered. some mistakes, not sure about choice in source sentence. Overall Good.
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